You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
