it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
