she woke up with a sticky ear
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
