he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
pop tarts are not kleenex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
