oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't deserve a penis
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
