I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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