i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
