You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
