So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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