I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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