sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
