Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
