I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
