Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
