did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
