Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
