thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
