I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
