my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
