The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
