I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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