My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
