he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
