My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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