ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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