You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
