just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This house was built for laser tag.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
