So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
