Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
