We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
