he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
