So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
