I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
