First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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