Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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