You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
