Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He kissed a someone with a penis
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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