Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
