Dual....:-)
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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