boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
