i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
