Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
