We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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