...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
