Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
