I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
