so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
