I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
