I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
