On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
