he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
