i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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