seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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