my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
