Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Are we still banned from the library?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
