The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
