i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
