The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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