I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh god it's open bar.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
