he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
