he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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